wolf indian

How Safe is Your Serenity from These Three Traps? Part Two

Feeding a Painful Wolf or a Compassionate Heart: A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry violent one. The other wolf is the loving compassionate one.” The grandson asked him, …

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ruminating

How Safe is Your Serenity from These 3 Traps?

Do you want to know three traps that will disrupt your sense of serenity? Are you listening because I want to share this with you? The first trap is rumination. Yes, it has stolen my serenity in the past and may do it again. It can steal your serenity too. Rumination is the constant looking backward …

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Aroma Therapy for geeks

Toons-day: Aromatherapy

I found a new website of cartoons and other fun stuff. It is called Geek Culture. The cartoons are pretty good but what I really like are the videos. There are some of the poems and prose spattered through out as you flip through the pages that are kinda cool. The drawback to the site is that it is …

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Breaking_Free

Breaking Free

“Our Greatest Fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…” –Marianne Williamson After the hurry scurry of the holidays I like to treat myself. Consequently, since I talk to you about how balance and play are a life domain I value, I am going to head up …

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2011-Mental-Health-Humor-Chato-Stewart-2012-Goals

Long-Term Goals ~ Again

Here we are again. If you are looking back over the past year and saying to yourself this year will be different, you are not alone. The cartoon from my on-line friend Chato B. Stewart illustrates the point of “again.” On my list, I noticed I crossed a few things off and still have a few things left. The …

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How Safe is Your Serenity from These Three Traps? Part TwoHow Safe is Your Serenity from These 3 Traps?Toons-day: AromatherapyBreaking FreeLong-Term Goals ~ Again

Jan
22

How Safe is Your Serenity from These Three Traps? Part Two

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Feeding a Painful Wolf or a Compassionate Heart:

A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry violent one. The other wolf is the loving compassionate one.” The grandson asked him, “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?” The grandfather answered, “The one I feed.”

 

I see ruminating and worry as the wolf ready to devour your serenity. The more you struggle with the past and worry about the future the more you fight with the wolf as it gets your full attention and consumes your energy. One way out of the fight is mindfulness. You can make a choice to be present in the moment by turning your focus towards what you are doing in the here and now. Mindfulness is a skill which can help you to move towards changing your relationship with rumination and worry.

Fusion, the third trap, is when you are your story. Hence, it is when you are “fused” with your roles and your stories. My experience tells me that roles, stories and even sensations along with emotions are often judged. They can be labeled and evaluated as good or bad, right or wrong and then you become good or bad, right or wrong. However, you are separate from your experience. Consequently, mindfulness is significant in helping you create distance from fusion. The purpose of this distance is so you can observe and appreciate your life. It allows for compassion to be present. The distance created by mindfulness allows for you to make a choice about which wolf you want to feed.

Are you curious about how mindfulness can help protect your serenity? Let me know if I can help.

I have attached a short list of additional readings from other website.

Previous Post: Post:How Safe Is Your Serenity Safe from These Three Traps

Story is taken from The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety by John Forsyth, Ph.D and George Eifert, Ph.D.

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Jan
16

How Safe is Your Serenity from These 3 Traps?

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Do you want to know three traps that will disrupt your sense of serenity? Are you listening because I want to share this with you?

  1. The first trap is rumination. Yes, it has stolen my serenity in the past and may do it again. It can steal your serenity too. Rumination is the constant looking backward towards yesterday in hopes that if you can figure something out you will have control over not letting it happen again. It is like a stuck record and your mind goes over an event over and over again and again.
  2. The second trap is worry. Yes, this too has stolen my sense of serenity from time to time. Worry is a looking toward the future with a dread about the possibilities of something bad happening. The attraction to worry is that it can give you a false sense of power. If you think about something enough and believe you can figure it out you will have control over it. Your mind tells you that you will be able to prevent something bad from happening.  I know in my life worry has never left me in control, but it has zapped by energy, sleep and focus.
  3. The third trap is fusion. It is a term often used within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is when we believe we are the story and roles in our life. We are more than an employee, spouse, parent or family member. We are the holder of the story which includes roles we assume in life. Fusion can steal away serenity when roles change, such as when you lose your job. You can end up feeling like a failure, lost or worthless. Fusion is when your identity and value are defined by what you do or what has happened to you. Fusion almost always contains a judgment of being good or bad, right or wrong, or negative or positive.

I believe we all experience these feelings from time to time. Then again, I could be wrong. The problem is when your mind spends more time ruminating, worrying and fused than what is useful.

How can you safeguard against these three traps? Check back and I will tell you what I have learned.

Related Posts:

  1. Present Moment
  2. Biggest Bang for the Buck: When to Seek Help
  3. Gifts to Your Self: Beyond Trauma

 

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Jan
10

Toons-day: Aromatherapy

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I found a new website of cartoons and other fun stuff. It is called Geek Culture. The cartoons are pretty good but what I really like are the videos. There are some of the poems and prose spattered through out as you flip through the pages that are kinda cool.

The drawback to the site is that it is cluttered. Well –  it is too cluttered for me. You might like it even if it is cluttered. So take a look and see if you can find something to lighten your day or somebody else’s day.

I  included the cartoon on Aromatherapy as it goes with the theme of self-care.

Aroma Therapy for geeksThe cartoons are found on the Joy Tech tab of Geek-Culture

 

Related Posts:

  1. Breaking Free
  2. Self Love
  3. How to Boost Emotional Healing

(c) Copyright, 2012 Brenda Bomgardner MA, NCC

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Jan
05

Breaking Free

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“Our Greatest Fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…” –Marianne Williamson

After the hurry scurry of the holidays I like to treat myself. Consequently, since I talk to you about how balance and play are a life domain I value, I am going to head up to Wyoming to one of my favorite getaways. My family is going to join me. I am going to break free from my routine. When I take time for renewing I realize the benefits of an increased sense of creative freedom.

What do you do to renew your sense of balance and creativity? It can be as simple as taking time for some solitude with a hot cup of cocoa to savor the smell of the chocolate and to feel the warmth of the cup in our hands. To sit on the porch and watch a beautiful sunrise or sunset in a simple thing to do for self-care. Bubble baths are a treasure too. Remember to take time for you.

“Freedom”  A sculpture by Zenos Frudakis at the Glaxo Smith Kline world headquarters in Philadelphia.

Related Posts:

  1. Self Love
  2. Free to be Yourself
  3. Recreation/Fun/Leisure…

(C) 2012 Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC

 

 

 

 

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Jan
01

Long-Term Goals ~ Again

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Here we are again. If you are looking back over the past year and saying to yourself this year will be different, you are not alone.

The cartoon from my on-line friend Chato B. Stewart illustrates the point of “again.” On my list, I noticed I crossed a few things off and still have a few things left. The idea I want to stress is that living a life based on your values is an on-going process. Hence,  the long-term refers is the on going process of living your values. We are never “done with it.” Renewing our commitment is part of the process. It is something we all  need to do from time to time.

Chato’s Goal Years: 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012

Wellness Plan Goals:

  1. Take my medication every day!
  2. Lose 20 pounds again…
  3. Get a job!
  4. Keep a job!
  5. Get to bed before 3 AM
  6. Go back to my support group
  7. Tell one friend about my illness
  8. DO NOT YELL and scream!
  9. Say thank you more!
  10. ALWAYS finish WHAT I…

I am offering a workshop on January 23rd, Finding Your True North for the New Year. We will be completing an exercise on value-clarification and then a 5 step process to goal setting. Call me at 720-260-7702 to reserve your spot.

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Copyright (c) 2012 Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC

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Dec
29

My Secret to Living a Better Life Rather Than a Bitter Life

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Forgiveness is a big part of my life because I find I can live a better life rather than a bitter life. It means I can bend but not break when I have suffered the heavy weight of being injured. The way I do this is by fostering my resilience. We could spend our time together with me telling you hurt and forgiveness stories from my life. However, I want to hear your stories. I want to learn from you.

I can say this, “Self-care, is the secret weapon I have to foster resilience so I am strong enough to offer forgiveness and this all starts at home.” Self-forgiveness cleanses the soul and washes away shame and guilt. It allows a person to fully experience their own humanness. Sometimes, when I connect to my own self-compassion and forgiveness, I can even laugh at myself. When, I have self-forgiveness I the have the power to extend it to others. This mean I wish, “NO ILL WILL.” I get to move on. I get to be free. It is a gift I give myself.

Have you ever decided to “get over it?” How about deciding to “move on” with your life? What about, “it’s not worth the trouble” Do you ask yourself, “Is it worth the time or energy?” At some point we all ask ourselves these questions.

If you have decided to forgive or move on, I want to ask you. “Does it mean the offending person gets to retain or be re-instated into a similar place in your life?” This is a question I hear often from people I work with.

I say it depends. Maybe yes. Maybe No. The choice is yours. I go back to the idea of self-care. Is it self-caring to let a “user, manipulating or dis-honest or mean” person back into the same spot they had before? There are many factors to consider. I believe retaining the relationship is a very personal choice and nobody knows what’s best for you except you. Also, I believe getting a neutral person to help sort the issues out can be beneficial in the long term. How far do you want to bend?

Do you have a story you would like to share? A lesson of wisdom to pass along? You can comment here or send me an email. If you really want to talk give me a call. I am all ears.

Related Posts:

  1. Change the Dance
  2. Free to be Yourself
  3. Toons-day: Marriage, Couple, Intimate Relations and Romance

Copyright (c) 2011 Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC

 

 

 

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Dec
20

Toons-day: Holiday Humor

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Have you been busy? This is the time of year when nature slows down and we speed up with busy activities. Let me  tell you what I want to do. I want to just hibernate like bears and turtles do or migrate south like some birds do. Either way the days are shorter the nights are longer.

Keeping my sense of humor helps me to take life a little lighter. So I have attached a cute cartoon by Glen McCoy.

 

I have a small bonus of a few one-liners for those holiday parties or to share with family and friends. The jokes are from AHA Jokes.

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

What’s an ig?
An eskimo’s home without a loo!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !

What sort of ball doesn’t bounce ?
A snowball !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !

How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !

Okay, I have one more goody. A list to read for self-care.

Related Articles:

  1. Self Love
  2. 10 Second and 10 Breaths
  3. Santa and the Shrink

(c) 2011 Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC

 

 

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Dec
06

10 Must Reads: Building Resilience Now

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How are you doing? What do you struggle with during the holidays? Would you like a truck load of tips on how to bounce through the next few weeks?

I read an article, Holiday Craze, written by Jocelyn M. Hilling, an on-line colleague friend of mine. She is the owner of At Peace Therapy Center. Once I read Jocelyn’s eight great tips I decided to create a list of excellent articles for your reading.

If you read one article every other day  – you will be looking at a brand spankin’ new year. Take your time. Each article has a gold nugget for you to treasure.

Gift Wrap Fractal Presents

I know you are probably busy. However, you are invited to take a moment  to shout out which article you find most useful.

Related Articles:

  1. Peace of Mind and Acceptance
  2. My 5 Secret  Tips to Managing the Storm
  3. Zebra Stress

Also, there are six weeks left to sign up for the early bird discount for the workshop: Finding Your True North for the New Year

Snow on Gold

(c) 2011, Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC

 

 

 

 

 

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Dec
05

Life Balance and a Living Hell

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The end of the year is quickly approaching. As I look back over the last year concerning commitments I made to myself the one that stands out most is creating balance in my life.

An activity I committed to doing was to exercise more and be outdoors. Hiking was the perfect choice. I live near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, so I can drive to my favorite trails within 30 minutes. I can hike and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. I love the solitude of being on a trail alone. Peaceful.

One time, during the middle of a week I arrived at one of my favorite trails and there were a lot of people already on the trail. When I started my hike I  was busy looking forward at the people ahead of me and backward at the people behind me. I focused on wishing they would either go faster or slower so I could “feel” alone. I forgot to look at my immediately surroundings. I stopped. I realized this is a metaphor of life.Lush mountain trail

We often focus on the future and the past to such a degree we forget to enjoy the moment. I made an active choice to slow down and take in the beauty. In that moment I created a sense of balance. However, before slowing down the experience was like standing in the middle of paradise and living in hell because I gave my attention to what was ahead and to what was behind. However, once I made the choice and commitment to be in the moment of where I stood I had a different experience. I enjoyed my hike.

Hiking mindfully, I noticed:

  • Sounds of the leaves under my shoe
  • Coolness of the air in the shadows
  • Warmth on my skin in the sun
  • Vibrant colors of the blooming flowers
  • Birds chirping
  • Trees in the wind
  • Water rolling over the rocks.
  • My lungs breathing hard in the uphill climb
  • My heart beating faster or slower depending on my exertion

What in you life can you do that will allow you to find the beauty of the moment.

  1. Life Balance
  2. Committed Action and Psychological Flexibility
  3. Toons-day: Goals

 

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Nov
29

Marriage, Couples and Intimate Relations

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Back in September I read an article and saved it because I liked the message. Kindness Makes You Happy and Happiness Makes You Kind  is the title of the article. I want to tie this message into the last domain of marriage, couples, romance and intimate relations.

My heart says this domain is where we have the greatest opportunity to experience kindness in giving and receiving. Or the lack of kindness. The following questions are all about you because your behavior is the only aspect you have control over.

  • What sort of relationship so you want to build?
  • How do you want to behave in the relationship?
  • What personal qualities do you want to develop? (Kindness and compassion – include yourself)
  • How would you treat your significant other if you were the ideal you in the relationship?
  • What sort of ongoing activities do you want to share?

Alex Dixon the editorial assistance for the Greater Good, The Science of a Meaningful Life and is the author of the above mentioned article. The following quote is thought provoking.

Two recent studies suggest that giving to others makes us happy, even happier than spending on ourselves. What’s more, our kindness might create a virtuous cycle that promotes lasting happiness and altruism.

Giving kindness to each other this time of year is a gift that can keep on giving.

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