May 12

The Pain of Estrangement

Family quarrels are bitter things. . . . They’re not like aches or wounds, they’re more like splits in the skin that won’t heal because there’s not enough material.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

 

How curious it is to have family

Yet not a single whisper, “Hello”

Who are those strangers?

Living forever in caverns of memory

Taking up space in the heart

Holding my head in confusion.

Not understanding.

 

 

 

 

 

The silence

Family estrangement

Taboo “How can you?”

“What?”  People ask

Don’t talk about it!

Rising up waves of

Shame

Guilt,

Anger,

Confusion.

Don’t ask!

The wound never heals.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holiday servings of

Festering pain unheard

Like an unwelcome house guest

Yet longing to connect and talk awhile

Where have you been?

What have you been up to?

Silent questions bring the tears.

Unheard whispers

 

 

 

 

Inner wise one

Offers guidance

How to make the journey alone

Without knowing how to balance

Grief and longing to know

Can rifts be healed?

How? Aha, it takes two.

 

 

 

Reality

Time to live life

Take the estranged along

And create a future

From the wisdom of

Knowing

Grief of estrangement

On the road to joy.

I know I love.

Forgiveness and compassion.

 

 

Related Articles:

  1. What Do You Dreams OF?
  2. Surviving and Thriving
  3. Toons-day Tuesday: Marriage, Couples and Intimate Relations

Related Internet articles :

Picture credits: Pinterest:

Poem credit: Brenda Bomgardner

(c) Brenda Bomgardner 2012 copyright

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May 06

Can We Really Trust Our Mind

If you’re a lot like me, and I’ll bet your bottom booty you are, you have days when your mind has an inner critic setting on the board of directors. Can you trust what your mind tells you? Tell me if you have ever experienced some of the following thoughts.

  1. It’s too hard I can’t do that
  2. I’ll never make it
  3. I’m too fat,  too skinny, too tall, too short, too….
  4. I can’t help myself
  5. I’ll never be happy
  6. I’m must have been a bad person for this to happen
  7. They don’t like me
  8. I can’t stand it any longer
  9. This is killing me
  10. I’m not smart enough, good enough, rich enough, cool enough….

You get the idea. We all have these kinds of thoughts. They are painful. They can be so painful that you don’t get out of bed or go to social events. You may try to distract yourself or talk yourself out of believing your thoughts. You may find yourself entangled in a fight with your mind. You completely focus on the fight and winning over the negative thoughts that your mind tells you are true. You might try winning with positive affirmations. In the short run you may also find relief with watching television, eating food, drinking alcohol, or watching pornography. Ouch! Those damn negative thoughts in the mind will come back another day. Maybe even the same day.

What can you do to manage them. Let them chatter away. I know this may sound just the opposite of what common sense tells you. However, research is beginning to show us we can’t escape our minds so we have to learn to live with it.

What you can do to help manage your life is connect to how you want to live it. This requires getting clear on your values. Then, go for it. Live your life based on those values. Also, mindfulness practices can help. However, that is a whole other post.

I’m glad you stopped by and come again soon.

Related Posts:

  1. How Safe is Your  Serenity from These Three Traps?
  2. The Good the Bad and The Ugly
  3. Committed Action and Psychological Flexibility

100 Ways To Become More Conscious: How To Raise Your Consciousness

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Apr 29

How to Overcome Shame with R.A.I.N.

“Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery.  And today?  Today is a gift.  That’s why we call it the present”.  ~Babatunde Olatunji

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D writes for the Huffington Post.  Dr. Goldstein is also the author of The Now Effect and co-authr of  A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook . I read his blog because he writes about mindfulness and how it can help with difficult emotions.

Dr. Goldstein uses an easy to remember acronym you can use when you have difficult feelings that can feel overwhelming. R.A.I.N.

R = Recognize when you have a strong emotion.

A = Allow and acknowledge that it is indeed there.

I = Investigate and bring self-inquiry to the body, feelings, and mind.

N = Non-identify with what’s there.

To read the article in full that Dr. Goldsteine wrote for PschCentral click here.

Related Articles:

Gifts to Yourself: Today

Gifts to Yourself: 10 Seconds and 10 Breaths

How Safe is Your Serenity from These Three Traps?

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Apr 24

Toons-day: 5 Things Your Parents Didn’t Tell You

When I look back as I was growing up I don’t remember my parents telling me the following 5 things about life. If somebody did tell me I had to re-learn them on my own terms and at my time.

  1. Life can be hard.
  2. Suffering is a normal part of life.
  3. We all have pain.
  4. Forgiveness starts at home.
  5. Compassion is about you.

I suppose the above list may sound negative. However, once the above are understood as part of life you can move towards what you find satisfying based on your heart’s desire. You can create dreams about what is meaningful or fulfilling. You can get un-stuck from the struggle to avoid the things that are uncomfortable.

 

 

 

What wisdom have you gained as an adult that you can share?

Related Posts:

  1. My Secret to Living a Better Life rather Than a Bitter Life
  2. Self-Love
  3. Toons-day: Self-Efficacy

 PS: What lessons have you gained as an adult you can share with the next generation that you believe will make a difference in their life?

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Apr 19

The Shocking Truth About “Who is Driving the Bus?”

demon inside

Have you ever gone on a diet or exercise program just to fall off the routine? I certainly have. We all have at one time or another. This is exactly what has happened with my routine of writing blog articles

I call this problem, “Demons on the Bus.” The metaphor goes something like this.

I am the bus driver of my life. I have a destination to head towards based on my desires (values).  I have a map I plan to follow to get there (action plan). I head out and the trip (my life journey) is going along just fine until I reach a challenge (bump in the road).

When there is a bump in the road is when the demons (passengers) on the bus start to tell me what to do.They are the noise or voices of discomfort in my head.”It’s too late. You’re too tired. You can do it tomorrow. You ate a cookie, a cake and a bag of chips. Give up! You can’t do it.”  Sound familiar?

The feelings, thoughts, sensations and even memories are only passengers. They are along for the ride and are not in control. Although, I have to admit,  they can be a distraction. They can take me off course if I give them too much focus. What to do?

However, I’m back in the drivers seat. I get to decide where I am headed. You can too be in the driver’s seat. You can connect to your values and re-commit to the plan of going in the direction you decide is in alignment with with those values. I’m not saying it is easy. I am saying it can be done. Additionally, it can be done with compassion. This means to gently hold the discomfort with kindness. Also, to offer yourself self-forgiveness for what ever may feel like a mistake.

Check out this video to watch a brief  story about demons on the bus (less than 2 minutes). Also, just click here to watch Demons on the boat (less than 5 minutes). Both You Tube videos are short and entertaining and great to watch if you have kids who are struggling. Young children have demons too.

Do you have a success story about “Demons on the bus?” I love hearing from you about your journey.  How do you stay in the drivers seat? How to you stay Captain of the ship? I love to hear how you keep your eye on the goal?

Related Articles:

  1. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training
  2. 4 Important Questions to Ask Yourself About the Dark Side of Happiness
  3. Committed Action and Psychological Flexibility

Related Article on the Internet:

  1. Acceptance and Commitment Self-Help
  2. Bus Driver Metaphor  with Dr. James Hawkins

 (C) 2012 Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC, BCC

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Mar 20

The Secret to Higher Self Esteem and Self Confidence

The single biggest thing you can do to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence is to clarify your values and then live a life with integrity based on those values. Sometime this is referred to as having fidelity with your authentic self. In more common terms it is being true to yourself.

Sometimes this can be painful and cause discomfort because living your own life may go against what others want from you. However, I try to remember that my pain is about what truly matters to me. If it didn’t matter I would not care. Hence, look for the gold in your pain. It is what you treasure.

  • Do you want to live a more meaningful life with a sense of vitality and purpose?
  • Do you want to know what really makes you tick?
  • How do you bring your values to life in your job, relationship or leisure?

I discovered an on-line self test to help you get at the essence of your heart’s desire and address the above questions.

The site is called Life Values Inventory. I was so impressed with the results I want to give you the chance to take this FREE test and begin to bring a greater clarity to the direction you want to live.I am serious about how wonderful this site is. It is well worth the time to take the test.

The bonus on the site is the articles (optional reading) were packed full of useful information on how to put your values to work in generating a more balanced life.

I invite you to take the test at the Life Values Inventory.

Then, check back in and let me know about your experience. I am curious about what you learned. Also, I need you help with feedback on the Life Values Inventory test.  if it is useful. I am thinking it might be useful for clients. What’s your opinion?

Related articles:

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Mar 04

Create a Private Practice You Will Love

Are you a health care professional who wants to grow your business to the next level? Are you in training to become a therapists, counselor or other health care professional and plan to go into private practice after graduating? Do you know what steps to take next?

If you are committed to learning and developing entrepreneurial skills needed to build a solid foundation for marketing your practice and attracting clients to your good work then this affordable coaching group is ideal for you.

I love working with the people who are my clients. It is rewarding and fulfilling to be honored with the privilege to travel on part of their journey. How do you attract people to your good work? What lights your passion on fire to provide the service they seek from you?

 

 

“Create a Private Practice You Will Love,” is a 12 month program to receive coaching twice a month from me in a small group setting. The program is like to building a house in three stages.

  1. Would you build a house without taking a survey of the land? Probably not. Hence, the first phase is four months and is a survey of the environment for growing your practice.There are exercises and tasks to accomplish while working through this phase.
  2. After a survey is taken it is time for the blue print. Hence, the second four months is developing a game plan for action. Learn how to talk about your passion so people will hear you. Learn how to become comfortable with your own business style in generating connections to a solid flow of quality clients.
  3. The final phase of the last four months is sticking with it while you continue to implement your action plan. Having that well thought out blue print from the previous phase allows you to succeed and avoid common problems. This phase is taking stock of what is and is not working.

As you can see commitment to attending the full time period is what will lead to a greater chance of success at “Creating A Private Practice You Will Love.”

How does this coaching program benefit you?

  • Provide 22 hours of solid information to help you launch your practice to the next phase of development.
  • Allows you to set committed time aside to focus only on your private practice growth and future goals.
  • Develop relationships as allies and experience the synergy of the tribe.

Extras:

I will provide the tribe with a Google group to facilitate communication with members and myself between sessions. A blog has been created, Denver Counseling, for group use. This is an optional tool for you to use to grow your practice. Two mini retreats too. Power of the tribe

Three payment options:

  • $375 pre-paid by March 17th
  • $400 three installments: $150 deposit due by March 17th  &  $125 due May 1st & July 1st
  • $20 pay as you go due at the beginning of each session with signed agreement

Complimentary Meet and Greet is March 23rd from 1:30-3:30

Location: 3035 West 25th Ave, Denver. CO 80211 (Earth Room)

 

Reserve your spot now while there is still room in this affordable program.

Call me (Brenda) at 720-260-7702

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Feb 28

Toons-day: Social Media

Today I want to say, “THANK YOU!”

You have allowed me to connect with you through the use of social media and have conversations about some light hearted topics as well as some serious topics too. I appreciate your loyalty. It is because of you my community circle is bigger and more diverse.

My wish is to respect your privacy and still be able to have conversations so I have posted a clear social media policy concerning our relationship. You can read it by clicking here. Meanwhile, I hope you can view the cartoon as a simple picture depicting the delegate nature of on-line relationships.

 

Confidentiality and Privacey

 

My door is open and you are welcome to stop in and visit anytime. Please be aware to protect your privacy and self-care when leaving comments. If you are a client I am glad to talk with you about any topics you wish to bring to the table in the privacy of my office. When we are together, the world is at your finger tips. Be open! Be free! Be yourself! Be curious! Be angry! Be sad! Be confused! Be … YOU.

A BIG warm thank you!

Call me if you have concerns or questions.

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Feb 25

3 People I Admire: Who do You Admire?

This question, “Who do you admire,” came up at a fundraising dinner I attended last week. The question got me thinking about all the wonderful people who have made a difference in my life. There are many who have helped me along the way. My heart is full of gratitude towards those who extended their love and support to me.

1.    I admire my step-grandfather for his honesty. He passed away years ago. However, before he left he told me a truth about how he felt helpless to make a difference in a child’s life. How he was sorry for not helping more. He expressed the frustration of being told, ”Mind his own business.” He heard, “It’s not your family so you have nothing to say about the matter.”

The child he wanted to help was me. Today, I admire the courage it took for him to say, “I’m sorry. I wish I could have done more.” He took responsibility. He displayed vulnerability. He showed me it’s never to late to step up to the plate and make a difference with those two simple words, “I’m sorry.” It meant a lot to me.

 

2.    Another person I admire is J. K. Rowling. I admire her because of her accomplishment of writing the wildly popular Harry Potter series. What stands out for me is the amount of commitment it takes to stick with a project so big and long. Also, the fact her stories are creative. I love and envy creative genius. Rowling has given us a gift. I love watching the movies and study the characters. The child in me comes alive with joyful lightness. Additionally, she was near homeless before becoming successful and retains a humble manner. Soon, her next novel for adults will be released. To see her commencement speech clicking her photo to the left.

3.    A tie for the third choice is between the Dalai Lama and Mahatma Gandi. Both men are a symbol of peace. You can help me decide by sending me your thoughts on both men. One of my favorite philosophical quotes from the Dalai Lama is taken from his three commitments:

On the level of a human being, His Holiness’ first commitment is the promotion of human values such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline.  All human beings are the same.  We all want happiness and do not want suffering.  Even people who do not believe in religion recognize the importance of these human values in making their life happier.  His Holiness refers to these human values as secular ethics.  He remains committed to talk about the importance of these human values and share them with everyone he meets

Mahatma Gahdi’s philosophy of peaceful resistance is beautifully defined in the word he invented “satyagraha.”

Gandhi rejected the idea that injustice should, or even could, be fought against “by any means necessary” — if you use violent, coercive, unjust means, whatever ends you produce will necessarily embed that injustice. To those who preached violence and called nonviolent actionists cowards, he replied: “I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence….I would rather have India resort to arms in order to defend her honour than that she should, in a cowardly manner, become or remain a helpless witness to her own dishonour….But I believe that nonviolence is infinitely superior to violence, forgiveness is more manly than punishment.”

 

1. So? What Exactly Do You Admire?

2. Become Someone You Can Admire

3. Dalai Lama gets Mahatma Gandhi peace prize

4. The good among the great: 19 traits of the most admirable, creative and joyous people

Related Posts:

  1. Surviving and Thriving
  2. What do You Dream of?
  3. My Secret to Living a Better Life Rather Than a Bitter Life

I can’t wait to hear who you admire in your family, community or history ~ real or mythological.

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Feb 14

5 Quotes and Hug

  1. “Everyone of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.” Princess Diana
    Princess Diana
    Princess Diana
  2. “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”  Mother Teresa of Calcutta
  3. “People won’t remember what you said. But, people will remember how you made them feel.”  Unknown
  4. “We’re born alone. we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” Orson Welles
  5. “The biggest disease this day and age is that of people feeling unloved.” Princess Diana
Orson Welles

Orson Welles

I chose the quotes above because each one of us has experiences of pain and loneliness as well as feelings of love and belonging. Life is not all one or the other. It is a mix of both and sometimes out of balance.

Take time to enjoy and appreciate the moments when you heart sings. Also, take time to have compassion for your pain and suffering.

Today, I’m wishing you all a hug. Either give one to a friend or ask for one from someone you feel close to. Hug your teddy bear or your pet. Hug yourself…you deserve it.

 

Beating Heart. Look you'll See

 

Related Articles:

  1. Self Love
  2. Marriage, Couples and Intimate Relations
  3. Friendship and Social Life

(C) 2012, Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC

Leave a comment above or email me at brenda@creatingyourbeyond.com or even call me at 720-260-7702.

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